Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Why international adoption?

I am only three months into living publicly with my adoption.  This question, however, has been asked of me dozens of times.  Sometimes it is followed by, "There are so many American children who need homes."  Others ask, "Wouldn't it be less expensive to adopt domestically?"  I spent a year asking myself the same questions.  My answer varies, but the gist of it remains the same.

The way our children enter our lives is part of their stories.  A big part.  I made choices about building a family that make sense to me.  My daughter is coming to me through a process that I perceive as beautiful. In twelve years, when she wants to know specific information about our family's creation, I can relay the story with love and pride.  I can speak with some knowledge, and lots of love, about where she was born.  I can describe, with understanding and compassion, the sociopolitical circumstances of her birth nation at the time of her adoption.  I can tell animated stories about all of the extraordinary people who are making our family possible, the love for her expressed long before her arrival.  This is a story I can tell with pride and love.

Throughout this process I have given a lot of thought to the different ways people work to create families.  What I have come to believe is that we must parent children in a way that is comfortable for us.  We look for the path of least resistance.  However, these paths vary depending on who we are, our beliefs, and our circumstances.  For some families that means only biological children.  For others, it means children of shared ethnicity.  And some families embrace the idea of an ethnically varied home.  There are families that intentionally absorb the sick child.  There are other families that do all they can to avoid the sick child.  Financial security is something that plays different roles in different families.  Timing also impacts family building.  What is perceived as unmanageable or overwhelming is different for each of us.  The stakes are high when building a family.  We all make the best decisions we can.  The range of choices makes ours a more beautiful world.

I am adopting internationally because it makes sense for us.

Arriving. Or just a mirage.

About two weeks ago I got the idea that my adoption was running ahead of schedule. I thought that by this week I would have a pretty good (and near) arrival date estimation. Somehow, in a process that I know to be filled with expected and unexpected delays, I became convinced of the opposite. Lesson learned. For now. No near baby arrival. Just one sad momma. Managing sort of sad, but still disappointed.

Hope, Love, and Money

We have received one grant.  This economy puts demand high and resources low.  This fall I was put in touch with one woman, Marcy Cole, and her growing organization called CMomA.  This was CMomA's first year offering grants to defray the cost of adoption for childless families.  Without hypbole, I will say that they were a beacon of hope.

Every application contained so much of me: hope, love, fear, humility.  Nevermind the letters of reference, tax statements from the past two years, personal statements...  So much was put into each one that rejection felt personal.  So when CMomA awarded me a grant for $5,000, I was elated.  What I didn't expect was the grant's value beyond the monetary.  It injected a bit of faith and hope into my process.  It came during the "waiting time" - a period I have not yet left.  It gave me a boost and, quite honestly, a feeling of validation.

CMomA gave me money to cover attorney fees as well as a feeling of acceptance by the larger community.  $5,000.00 is priceless to me.  I will forever be grateful.

Check out CMomA here: www.cmoma.org

Raising Funds

Adoption is expensive.  Some adoptions cost more than others.  There are unexpected increases and fees.  But what do you do? Giving up is not an option. 

I feel like I have not stopped working on gathering money for the past year+.  (But how many of us aren't constantly addressing our finances?)  I worked a second job.  Then a third.  I wrote many grants.  Still, there is a long way to go.  Now I am trying other things.  I have joined Amazon Associates, see posts tagged "books."  I have sent an application to 147 Million Orphans.  They fundraise for orphan care and allow adopting families to raise some money through them.  Friends have created an Indiegogo campaign for me.  It's hard.

Someday soon I hope to be on the other side - raising money for other adopting families.  In the meantime, if you are interested in supporting my adoption:

This is the Indiegogo campaign friends have created for us:

Fatherless Foundation raises money for both orphan care and adoption.  Tax deductable donations can be earmarked for individual adoptions (such as mine), or given generally.  Also, in the (unlikely) case that I raise more money than required to ease our financial stress, I will donate the difference to Fatherless Foundation and CMomA (see separate post).

This post has been difficult to write.  Every step of adoption is a test of pride, humility, and love. 

Again, thank you for reading. 

Books that are important to me

Saving and raising money for my adoption has been a full time job.  A job in which my performance rating would be horribly low.  Amazon let's you post products on a page, if people purchase them through your page, you get a small percentage.  The money will be used for my adoption.  Once the adoption is paid for, the money will go to http://www.thefatherlessfoundation.org.  Here I go...

My favorite baby book.  Beautiful sentiment, a cadence babies love.

Close seconds:

These are recordable books.  Easy to use.  I recorded myself reading Goodnight Moon and sent a copy to my daughter in Africa so she could get used to my voice.  Guess How Much I Love You will be read by Grammie and Grandpa.

Adult books that tell parts of Africa's story:

 

 

The Cost of Adoption

I am finding that adoption has cost me a bit of pride.  The kindness of the people in my life is enormous.  I have asked friends and colleagues for letters of recommendation.  People actually wrote them!  And they are beautiful.  I needed a letter (with two notarized copies) attesting to my mental health, a kind soul did this for no fee.  My doctor worked extra hard getting me x-rays and, again, multiple notarized copies of health reports.  Everyone has been gracious.  And more.  Bank of America staff notarizing the zillionth document conveyed joy over my news, not resentment for being taken from some other business.  It's quite remarkable how much people have to give.

So many people are part of this adoption.  There is no way I would have gotten this far without them.  They have given us their time and their love.  Like I said before, I am humbled.

As for the financial cost, that's another, much less inspiring, post.

A little bit about this choice. The abridged version.

I always wanted to adopt a child.  I cannot really say why, it just seemed like a good way for family to happen.  I was never sure that it would work out for me.  Without even looking into the process, I knew it would be lengthy and require certain organization skills that I do not have.  I figured it was out of my financial reach.  But about two years ago, I began exploring it a bit.  From the periphery.  I considered it research.  I figured that I was finding out about a choice I may not make, just gathering information on the adoption landscape.  Months later, a social worker deactivated me.  Apparently I wasn't very active...

Being told I would be put into another file, one perhaps labeled "people probably not adopting" got under my skin a bit.  So a year after I began just visiting the idea, I took a few steps forward.  Meanwhile, the program I preferred had become closed to me.  I spent a school vacation calling agencies, researching programs and countries.  I made choices that had the weight of the world on them (to me, at least).  And I made choices that I was not sure how much they mattered.  Eventually, I commit to a country, one that my family and I, and possibly you, will forever be tied to.  I also commit to yet another adoption agency.  I never really believed it would happen.  And I certainly could not imagine that one year later I would find myself readying my house for my baby girl. 

There it is, my adoption story, the very short version.