ninaadopts's Space http://ninaadopts.posterous.com Uncurated moments from one adoption story posterous.com Mon, 01 Apr 2013 06:35:00 -0700 Moving, sort of. http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/moving-sort-of http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/moving-sort-of

Posterous is closing its doors.  Fortunately, the virtual world allows us all to build multiple homes.  NinaAdopts has been vacationing over at Blogger for a while now.  Since Posterous is evicting its tenants, Blogger will now be our permanent home.  You can find both past and future content at http://ninaadopts.blogspot.com/ 

Looking forward to seeing you in the new digs,

Nina

 

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Mon, 25 Mar 2013 06:19:00 -0700 Trial Run #2 http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/trial-run-2 http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/trial-run-2

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Apparently I will not be moonlighting as a food photographer.  It looks much better in person.

My mom cooks.  She loves a culinary challenge.  So, the impending arrival of Baby A, has inspired her to practice cooking African recipes.  A month or two ago she told me she made a stew for her and my dad.  I heard about it for weeks - they both loved it.  Since then, I've made a couple versions.  In fact, I remember making a tofu one many years ago, during the vegetarian period, or as I now consider it -  the decade that justifies present and future gluttony. 

The women in my family do not follow recipes.  This is one of the recipes I read, I sort of followed it.  It came from http://www.123easyaspie.com/recipes/2802/Senegalese+Chicken+Soup some of my adjustments are italicized.

Senegalese Chicken Soup

- 1 onion (lg diced)
- 4 tablespoon olive oil
- 1 teaspoon garlic (chopped )
- 6 tablespoon curry powder
- 2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
- 2 teaspoon coriander (ground )
- 5 cup chicken ( broth)
- 2 cup tomato ( puree)
- 2 cup tomato (crushed plum )
- (Salt and pepper; to taste)
- 1/2 cup peanut butter (smooth )
- 1 pound chicken ( white meat; diced)
- 1 cup green onion (thinly sliced )
- (Chopped peanuts and cilantro; for garnish)

Directions:

Cook onions in olive oil until soft and translucent. Add garlic and cook two minutes. Add curry powder, cayenne and coriander and fry for an additional two minutes. If dry, add a small quantity of olive oil until moist (or chicken broth). Add chicken broth and scrape bottom very well with wooden spoon. Add tomato puree, crushed plum tomatoes, salt and pepper. Simmer for 30 minutes. Stir often and scrape bottom every few minutes. Do not boil. Combine peanut butter and 1/2 of soup in blender or food processor and puree, adding small quantities of broth as necessary if too thick. I didn't do this because it seemed like a hassle – I had a chunkier soup. When smooth, add puree to remaining soup and stir well. If soup seems too thick, add broth to taste. Cook chicken in boiling water until done (I cooked it in the chicken broth earlier)(about 15 to 20 minutes). Drain and add to soup. Add green onions to soup, cook 5 minutes more and serve. Sprinkle with chopped peanuts and cilantro for garnish.

In my first try, I cubed a couple of sweet potatoes, that was really good.

I am tempted to add coconut milk sometime soon.

Makes 6 Servings

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Sat, 23 Mar 2013 04:35:39 -0700 One Lucky Baby http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/176276611 http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/176276611

A family friend, Mrs. F., made this sweater for my baby.  I cannot get over its perfectness.  The pattern, the purple buttons, the little sleeves, and the pink.  It's so special.  One of those things we'll keep forever.  But, Mrs. F. is pretty special.  We used to run together early in the cold mornings of New England.  Well, perhaps we jogged.  Anyone who elects to spend predawn time with an adolescent should get some sort of enormous medal.  I've been pretty lucky to know Mrs. F., and her daughter too - one of those people that helps you put a finger on a course your life will take.  I am full of gratitude.

Sweater

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Sat, 16 Mar 2013 06:42:00 -0700 Waiting Pains http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/waiting-pains http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/waiting-pains

I opted out of the birthing route.  I thought I was getting away with something: "Look, I'm expecting a baby in a couple of months AND I am enjoying this Pinot Noir!" No doctors' appointments.  No scary classes about how to squeeze a live human being out of my 5'3" frame.  Pickles and ice cream have retained their separate purity.  I believed I chose the less painful route.  But right now, I sure could use one of those Lamaze classes where they teach you how to breathe.  And an epidural. No one told me how excruciating these months would be.  Or they did, but I chose not to listen. 

I'll take responsibility for my own ignorance. though a heads' up from the social worker might have been nice.  I first saw my daughter's face about seven months ago.  Given the lightening speed with which children grow, particularly ones who previously may have been a bit malnourished, she looks like 18 months have passed, not seven.  And she's done that without me.  The silver lining is that she is growing; she looks to be receiving love.  She is hearing, and learning I suppose, the local language, and maybe will pick it up easily later in life.  But who will tell her about her early milestones?  Who will tell her what her first word was?  What the baby in Baby A found funny?  Even though she is with others, it seems to me that she is alone.  And that breaks my heart.

I can no longer calculate a possible arrival date.  I expected her to be here now.  When people ask me for news (as they do every day)(which, despite my angst, leaves me floored by the amount of interest and care people have for us), I am left speechless.  I just don't know.  And at this point, I have know idea why.

What I do know:

  1. The adoption agency billed me for another month of care for my baby.  Just a bill, no email or call saying there will be another month...  However, when I had only paid half of a $16,000 bill, I did get a personal email.  It said something like, "We would hate it if failure to remain current on your account delayed your child's arrival."  Real humanitarians, huh?
  2. The US Embassy wants to get more involved in all adoptions.  Not necessarily a bad thing, if it is an honest effort to prevent/reduce/eliminate corruption.  However, more involved = additional months.
  3. Other families in the same program, who were matched after me, have been united.

So, my list of knowns is quite short.  What I don't know is both shorter and more expansive.

What I don't know:

  1. WHEN I CAN GO GET MY BABY.

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Mon, 11 Mar 2013 17:13:00 -0700 Family just happens. I guess. http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/family-just-happens-i-guess http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/family-just-happens-i-guess

Charles is my partner, but I am the one adopting the baby.  We haven't quite figured out what the relationship between his two boys and the baby will be.  Turns out, they had been doing the thinking. 

One asked: Will she be our sister?

Charles: Legally, she will not be your sister.

The other: But the cool thing is that she will think of us as her brothers!

I tear up every time I play this conversation in my head.  This baby has already taught me so much about people's capacity for love.

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Mon, 04 Mar 2013 16:55:00 -0800 A Family Read-Along http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/a-family-read-along http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/a-family-read-along

While at work today, I received a care package to squeeze into an already stuffed care package (child's black with metallic silver star pattern backpack)(see photo in prior post).  It contained a doll my grandmother knitted, clothes, toys, and a very special book.  For Christmas I had given my parents a recordable copy of Guess How Much I Love You.  The plan was for them to record it.  We would bring it to Africa so that by the time she arrives in the States, she knows their voices a bit.  Alas, all of our delays.  My parents, my sister, and my little nephews worked together to record the story.  It is so beautiful.  It's the one thing (well, maybe in addition to the backpack with silver stars) that I have sent that I would love to be able to bring home.  You hear love as they read the story. 

Grandma's knitted doll didn't make the cut.  She's here with me.  Waiting.

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Sun, 03 Mar 2013 16:03:00 -0800 Care Package http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/care-package http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/care-package

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This is the second one I am sending. The last one I am allowed to send. Trying to squeeze love into a backpack is not easy.

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Sat, 02 Mar 2013 09:50:00 -0800 147 Million Orphans http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/147-million-orphans http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/147-million-orphans
I am not sure exactly how many orphans there are in the world right now.  Some organizations count an orphan as a vulnerable child - a child without two living parents.  Sometimes, they are just hard to count.  Whatever the number is, there are too many people growing up without proper care.  147 Million Orphans is an organization that fund raises for orphan care.  It also gives some of its proceeds to families raising money to adopt.  They sell bags, T-shirts, mugs, and hats.  They also have jewelry made in Uganda, Haiti, and Honduras.

We have exchanged a few emails.  The women who run 147 Million Orphans are adoptive moms themselves.  They have been super nice.  They understand this waiting time well and have expressed great compassion.  Check them, and their work, out, click on the photo below.

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Mon, 25 Feb 2013 18:09:00 -0800 Oh Mercy http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/oh-mercy http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/oh-mercy

Generosity.  Reluctantly, I will admit that I have rarely given to causes that mean something to me. -- Later.  When I have the time.  When I have enough money to give something meaningful.  But, I really want those shoes, and world peace isn't likely to happen anyway. -- Despite a deficit in Karma credits, the generosity heaped on me in the past year is astounding.  People have found ways to be generous with their time, financially, professionally, and with their hearts.  Gestures others may have called small have carried me thousands of emotional miles.  I am forever changed by the generosity others have shown me.

Part of this change is that I am now giving more, even when my gesture feels embarrassingly humble.  I am beginning to identify organizations that our family will support and follow, organizations that allow us to give back to Antonia's birth land.  Mercy Ships is one such organization.  Mercy Ships provides health care to people throughout Africa.  They have been doing it a while, seem to have weathered a few storms. 

Here is there website: http://www.mercyships.org/

For just this week, if you buy a shirt from Sevenly, a bunch of the proceeds go to Mercy Ships: http://www.sevenly.org/

 

 

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Sat, 23 Feb 2013 10:20:00 -0800 In Our Dreams http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/in-our-dreams http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/in-our-dreams

Dreams are such revealing repositories for things we feel, know, wonder, and love.  My baby has securely moved into my dream world.  I have dreamed of holding her and hugging her.  I even dreamed that I was hugging her wrong.  I think she's her current size in my dreams, though I have no way of knowing.  My dreams of her are just lots of hugging.

Charles too dreams of her.  Last night he dreamed that we were on a road trip.  He was taking us to see parts of the US that he loves, that have been a big part of his life.  He said we were camping and she loved it.  She was four or five years old in his dream.

I wish I had a bigger update than her presence in our dream states.  For now, that's as close as we get to her.

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 05:37:00 -0800 Folks like us. Only creative. http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/folks-like-us-only-creative http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/folks-like-us-only-creative

My friend Maria mentioned this blog: http://wheels-up.tumblr.com/. ; It's documenting a parallel (though way ahead of me) journey in a really sweet way.  I enjoy it.  And, it has a really clever title - which leaves me feeling a bit lame for my blatantly uncreative one.  Is it too late to change mine?  Suggestions please. 

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Mon, 18 Feb 2013 06:33:00 -0800 My Mother http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/my-mother http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/my-mother

We have been waiting a while for this baby now.  So long that those first few weeks of "Oh my God, this is real, she is real," feel like foggy, distant memories.  In real time, it was less than six months ago.

I always knew that my family supports adoption.  I have the kind of family in which you grow up thinking that you are as likely to adopt as you are to birth a child.  So I had no worries that my adoption would be met with fears and judgment over adoption itself.  But when my mom cried tears of joy, when she sounded so proud, I was not prepared for that.  She already loved this baby and this choice, it was like she had all along.  I believe Antonia, with her history, her background, her beautiful face, is the exact granddaughter my mother was waiting for.  It is humbling and feels so incredibly good.

Waiting, though, is not something my mother does well.  I assume that the people reading this know us.  But, if you don't, my mother is a 5 foot tall Portuguese-American woman.  And, she is ready to create an international incident.  I won't quote her, because I rather not visit my mother in jail.  Let's just say, it's a good thing she was raised on a farm, on an island, not in Washington where she might "know people."  She believes that we're at the point where military action, or other less government sanctioned methods, should be used to bring Antonia home.  She is right.  Thankfully, she is also incapable of orchestrating an international incident.  Or crime.  I think.

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Thu, 14 Feb 2013 14:54:00 -0800 A Valentine http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/a-valentine http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/a-valentine

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Bittersweet because she was not here to open it.

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Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:31:36 -0800 A Piece of Our Story http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/a-piece-of-our-story http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/a-piece-of-our-story

I think a lot about how to explain our story to my daughter.  I see adoption as something our world needs.  And it needs it to work well.  Sometimes there are parents who cannot raise the children they birthed.  It is up to us, the rest of the world, to make sure these children are raised well and surrounded by love.  But how do you explain this to a young child?

I read something by an adoptive mom that very much fits with my beliefs.  She said she tells her children that parents have two jobs.  One job is to bring children into this world.  The other job is to raise children.  In most cases, the same people do both of these jobs.  But, there are some cases where parents do only one of these jobs.  These parents are partners.  Antonia's birth mom and I are partner moms.  We are working together to create and raise a most special, beautiful girl. 

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Sat, 09 Feb 2013 08:32:00 -0800 But what about the letter? http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/but-what-about-the-letter http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/but-what-about-the-letter

Charles asked me why I didn't include the body of his letter to Antonia.  I don't know, something called privacy.  It's her letter, I thought publishing it is her choice.  And his I suppose.  It is beautiful and deserves to be shared.  Screw privacy.  Here it is, abbreviated.

Antonia,

You are the most special girl in the whole world.  Sooo special that your Mommy traveled all the way around the world to find you.  But that's not what makes her best.  Your Mommy is best because she picked you.  She could have had any little girl, but she went and got you.  ... So, she's the best Mommy and you're the perfectest girl.  And if anyone says different, then you just let me know.

I love you

Charles

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Sat, 09 Feb 2013 08:22:00 -0800 Work Love, Love Work http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/work-love-love-work http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/work-love-love-work

There was a shower for me at work yesterday.  It was quite a surprise.  I thought it was someone's birthday when I saw the cake.  But, the cake was to celebrate the coming of Antonia.  Very sweet (both the gesture and the cake).  Very, very surreal. 

I received this beautiful card from my coworkers.  It is filled with pictures and words of love, support, and humor.  A colleague made the cover.  It's perfect.  I am not sure my camera captured all of its beauty.  The propeller even moves.  I love how the earth also resembles a pregnant woman's belly.  My principal says this waiting time is my labor.  Daniel illustrated this moment so perfectly. 

I work in a place that will totally welcome Antonia.  In fact, I guess they already have!  While I always wanted to adopt, certain stars seemed to need to align to make it happen.  My school may have been one of those stars. 

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Sat, 02 Feb 2013 09:04:00 -0800 A Letter http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/a-letter http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/a-letter

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And she received even more love today!

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Sat, 02 Feb 2013 09:03:00 -0800 Baby's first card! http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/babys-first-card http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/babys-first-card

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Sat, 02 Feb 2013 06:26:00 -0800 Another Week of Waiting http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/174893146 http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/174893146

It's been an interesting week in my world of waiting.

1.  I saw a travel doctor.  While at the office, I asked the nurse if she saw a lot of adoptive families.  She said that they used to, but there has been a big decline in the past few years.  She attributed this to the economy.  A recent New York Times article describes other factors (a link to this article is pasted at the end of this entry).  I am not sure if this means overall adoptions are down, or just international adoptions.  Either way, there are still many children around the world who are in need of families to raise them.

2.  I received a small grant from the Fatherless Foundation.  This is the second grant I have received.  Between these two grants, and the money my friend Jessica has been lovingly (and determinedly) raising, the next phase of payments will be significantly less.  While on the topic of Jessica, I got to watch her fundraiser grow significantly this past week.  The amount of love aimed at us via her speaks volumes of Jessica.  She is generous and well-loved.  I cannot wait to send Antonia off to the ballet with her in a few years. 

3.  Following notice of the grant, I received another email from my adoption agency.  It seems that the US Embassy is going to take more time investigating adoptions before granting visas.  While this is good overall, hopefully further reducing corrupt adoptions, it means it will take longer for children to enter the US.  Part of me thinks I received the grant to cover additional in-country expenses for my child.  I think the charge is $700.00 for every month in country.  Does this mean I am looking at waiting for several more months?  Aaaaagh.

4.  School has begun again.  Teaching restarted a while ago, now I am now back in class.  A new professor joined our program.  I am not sure how this will play out with my potentially missing a month of class.  My program director and other professor understand my circumstance and are willing to work with me.  The verdict is still out with him though.  As insane as my timing may seem to be, it kind of works for me.  Looking forward to a pay increase in two years makes more sense than ever.  Without the baby, I am not sure I would ever be inspired to leave the classroom because I love teaching so much.

5.  The baby received her first piece of mail.  It is sweet, a Valentine's Day card from my sister's family.  It shows my two little nephews holding hands.  My favorite part though is Antonia's name on the envelope.  And my sister's note to her.

The New York Times article:                                                                      http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/25/world/us-adoptions-from-abroad-decline-shar...

 

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Sat, 26 Jan 2013 08:36:00 -0800 Baby Making, Adoption Style (Part 1) http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/baby-making-adoption-style-part-1 http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/baby-making-adoption-style-part-1

This baby is the result of the love of many.  When I think about her arrival, I see an ocean of people who have been part of her journey here.  About six months ago, when this process was just beginning to take shape, I imagined making a book for her.  Each page would feature one of the important people in this process.  Six months later, I realize that this book will be volumes long. I will not write volumes today.  I will, however, write about a few people who were involved in her conception, so to speak. 

Tara is the kind of person this world needs more of.  She understands friendship and demonstrates her understanding with infinite kindness.  After years of spending her Sundays going to open houses with me, she helped me choose what will be Antonia's home.  Long before Antonia was even a real thought or consideration, Tara would say, "But there's no room for the baby!"  Tara had a faith and commitment to this baby that superseded my own.

Once I began the adoption process, Tara was again a consistent source of support.  Willing to spend hours talking about just the possibility of adoption, she helped me make decisions that were overwhelming.  Also, she was the first person to write me a reference letter.  Tara was adopted herself.  Her insight has been, and will continue to be, priceless.  Also, it makes having her in our corner even more special.

Charles.  According to him, I was talking about adoption during our first date (almost three years ago!).  I don't remember that.  What I do remember is the comfort and stability he has provided through every step of this process - even the just-thinking-wondering non-steps.  He has two boys who mean the world to him.  I think these boys are responsible for his wisdom.

As I weighed parenthood, adoption, career, finances, Charles said, "There is never a good time to have a child.  But, it is never a disappointment and it never feels like a burden."  He asked me what I would regret most in forty years.  Somehow, repeatedly answering this question, even today as I empty my retirement account, allows me to choose Antonia.  Like Tara, he let adoption talk dominate our conversations.  There are some decisions in adoption that feel huge.  For me, one such decision was choosing the country from which I would adopt.  In the midst of one of many conversations about this, Charles said, "Once this baby is in your arms, none of this will matter."  He's right.  As long as my baby comes to me in an ethical manner, nothing else matters.  So I chose.

I remember talking with Steve and Nancy about this idea on a boat in Lake Winnipesaukee.  It was a moment where my idea was met with visible love.  Adopting, perhaps parenting, involves so much vulnerability.  So many concerns about inadequacy persist.  So when two such great people, and super parents, not only support you, but are excited about the whole thing, there is quite a bit more confidence for moving forward.  Looking back, I think that I began to identify (proudly) as a potential adoptive mom that day on the lake.  Steve and Nancy went on to write a beautiful letter that is part of my home study - a letter that captures twenty-five years of friendship.

I am far from done.  There are many more friends.  And if you know my family, you know that their love may require a whole other blog to explore. 

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