ninaadopts's Space http://ninaadopts.posterous.com Uncurated moments from one adoption story posterous.com Sat, 23 Mar 2013 04:35:39 -0700 One Lucky Baby http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/176276611 http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/176276611

A family friend, Mrs. F., made this sweater for my baby.  I cannot get over its perfectness.  The pattern, the purple buttons, the little sleeves, and the pink.  It's so special.  One of those things we'll keep forever.  But, Mrs. F. is pretty special.  We used to run together early in the cold mornings of New England.  Well, perhaps we jogged.  Anyone who elects to spend predawn time with an adolescent should get some sort of enormous medal.  I've been pretty lucky to know Mrs. F., and her daughter too - one of those people that helps you put a finger on a course your life will take.  I am full of gratitude.

Sweater

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Mon, 11 Mar 2013 17:13:00 -0700 Family just happens. I guess. http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/family-just-happens-i-guess http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/family-just-happens-i-guess

Charles is my partner, but I am the one adopting the baby.  We haven't quite figured out what the relationship between his two boys and the baby will be.  Turns out, they had been doing the thinking. 

One asked: Will she be our sister?

Charles: Legally, she will not be your sister.

The other: But the cool thing is that she will think of us as her brothers!

I tear up every time I play this conversation in my head.  This baby has already taught me so much about people's capacity for love.

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Mon, 04 Mar 2013 16:55:00 -0800 A Family Read-Along http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/a-family-read-along http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/a-family-read-along

While at work today, I received a care package to squeeze into an already stuffed care package (child's black with metallic silver star pattern backpack)(see photo in prior post).  It contained a doll my grandmother knitted, clothes, toys, and a very special book.  For Christmas I had given my parents a recordable copy of Guess How Much I Love You.  The plan was for them to record it.  We would bring it to Africa so that by the time she arrives in the States, she knows their voices a bit.  Alas, all of our delays.  My parents, my sister, and my little nephews worked together to record the story.  It is so beautiful.  It's the one thing (well, maybe in addition to the backpack with silver stars) that I have sent that I would love to be able to bring home.  You hear love as they read the story. 

Grandma's knitted doll didn't make the cut.  She's here with me.  Waiting.

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Sun, 03 Mar 2013 16:03:00 -0800 Care Package http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/care-package http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/care-package

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This is the second one I am sending. The last one I am allowed to send. Trying to squeeze love into a backpack is not easy.

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Mon, 18 Feb 2013 06:33:00 -0800 My Mother http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/my-mother http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/my-mother

We have been waiting a while for this baby now.  So long that those first few weeks of "Oh my God, this is real, she is real," feel like foggy, distant memories.  In real time, it was less than six months ago.

I always knew that my family supports adoption.  I have the kind of family in which you grow up thinking that you are as likely to adopt as you are to birth a child.  So I had no worries that my adoption would be met with fears and judgment over adoption itself.  But when my mom cried tears of joy, when she sounded so proud, I was not prepared for that.  She already loved this baby and this choice, it was like she had all along.  I believe Antonia, with her history, her background, her beautiful face, is the exact granddaughter my mother was waiting for.  It is humbling and feels so incredibly good.

Waiting, though, is not something my mother does well.  I assume that the people reading this know us.  But, if you don't, my mother is a 5 foot tall Portuguese-American woman.  And, she is ready to create an international incident.  I won't quote her, because I rather not visit my mother in jail.  Let's just say, it's a good thing she was raised on a farm, on an island, not in Washington where she might "know people."  She believes that we're at the point where military action, or other less government sanctioned methods, should be used to bring Antonia home.  She is right.  Thankfully, she is also incapable of orchestrating an international incident.  Or crime.  I think.

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Sat, 09 Feb 2013 08:32:00 -0800 But what about the letter? http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/but-what-about-the-letter http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/but-what-about-the-letter

Charles asked me why I didn't include the body of his letter to Antonia.  I don't know, something called privacy.  It's her letter, I thought publishing it is her choice.  And his I suppose.  It is beautiful and deserves to be shared.  Screw privacy.  Here it is, abbreviated.

Antonia,

You are the most special girl in the whole world.  Sooo special that your Mommy traveled all the way around the world to find you.  But that's not what makes her best.  Your Mommy is best because she picked you.  She could have had any little girl, but she went and got you.  ... So, she's the best Mommy and you're the perfectest girl.  And if anyone says different, then you just let me know.

I love you

Charles

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Sat, 09 Feb 2013 08:22:00 -0800 Work Love, Love Work http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/work-love-love-work http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/work-love-love-work

There was a shower for me at work yesterday.  It was quite a surprise.  I thought it was someone's birthday when I saw the cake.  But, the cake was to celebrate the coming of Antonia.  Very sweet (both the gesture and the cake).  Very, very surreal. 

I received this beautiful card from my coworkers.  It is filled with pictures and words of love, support, and humor.  A colleague made the cover.  It's perfect.  I am not sure my camera captured all of its beauty.  The propeller even moves.  I love how the earth also resembles a pregnant woman's belly.  My principal says this waiting time is my labor.  Daniel illustrated this moment so perfectly. 

I work in a place that will totally welcome Antonia.  In fact, I guess they already have!  While I always wanted to adopt, certain stars seemed to need to align to make it happen.  My school may have been one of those stars. 

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Sat, 02 Feb 2013 09:04:00 -0800 A Letter http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/a-letter http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/a-letter

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And she received even more love today!

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Sat, 26 Jan 2013 08:36:00 -0800 Baby Making, Adoption Style (Part 1) http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/baby-making-adoption-style-part-1 http://ninaadopts.posterous.com/baby-making-adoption-style-part-1

This baby is the result of the love of many.  When I think about her arrival, I see an ocean of people who have been part of her journey here.  About six months ago, when this process was just beginning to take shape, I imagined making a book for her.  Each page would feature one of the important people in this process.  Six months later, I realize that this book will be volumes long. I will not write volumes today.  I will, however, write about a few people who were involved in her conception, so to speak. 

Tara is the kind of person this world needs more of.  She understands friendship and demonstrates her understanding with infinite kindness.  After years of spending her Sundays going to open houses with me, she helped me choose what will be Antonia's home.  Long before Antonia was even a real thought or consideration, Tara would say, "But there's no room for the baby!"  Tara had a faith and commitment to this baby that superseded my own.

Once I began the adoption process, Tara was again a consistent source of support.  Willing to spend hours talking about just the possibility of adoption, she helped me make decisions that were overwhelming.  Also, she was the first person to write me a reference letter.  Tara was adopted herself.  Her insight has been, and will continue to be, priceless.  Also, it makes having her in our corner even more special.

Charles.  According to him, I was talking about adoption during our first date (almost three years ago!).  I don't remember that.  What I do remember is the comfort and stability he has provided through every step of this process - even the just-thinking-wondering non-steps.  He has two boys who mean the world to him.  I think these boys are responsible for his wisdom.

As I weighed parenthood, adoption, career, finances, Charles said, "There is never a good time to have a child.  But, it is never a disappointment and it never feels like a burden."  He asked me what I would regret most in forty years.  Somehow, repeatedly answering this question, even today as I empty my retirement account, allows me to choose Antonia.  Like Tara, he let adoption talk dominate our conversations.  There are some decisions in adoption that feel huge.  For me, one such decision was choosing the country from which I would adopt.  In the midst of one of many conversations about this, Charles said, "Once this baby is in your arms, none of this will matter."  He's right.  As long as my baby comes to me in an ethical manner, nothing else matters.  So I chose.

I remember talking with Steve and Nancy about this idea on a boat in Lake Winnipesaukee.  It was a moment where my idea was met with visible love.  Adopting, perhaps parenting, involves so much vulnerability.  So many concerns about inadequacy persist.  So when two such great people, and super parents, not only support you, but are excited about the whole thing, there is quite a bit more confidence for moving forward.  Looking back, I think that I began to identify (proudly) as a potential adoptive mom that day on the lake.  Steve and Nancy went on to write a beautiful letter that is part of my home study - a letter that captures twenty-five years of friendship.

I am far from done.  There are many more friends.  And if you know my family, you know that their love may require a whole other blog to explore. 

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